 |
| Partial group photo from one of my first weeks in Nepal (Sindulpalchowk) |
Too much time has elapsed since I last wrote and now I’m
faced with the insane reality of barely 1 month left in Nepal. 4 weeks! How is
it fathomable that I came here with 27 months of service to fulfill and now I
have mere weeks left. It truly is a time warp over here, and quite possibly the
fastest 2 years of my life. Thirty-six new trainees arrived in Nepal at the
beginning of September and when I think back to my Pre-Service Training, it
feels like years ago. Which it was. And then I realize that I haven’t left
Nepal in that time, except for a quick trip to India. I’ve been struggling to
wrap my mind around how fast this experience has gone by and what I’ve
experienced the last 2 years. I’m reading a great book that my lovely mother
got for me for my birthday calledBeyond the Sky and the Earth. Its about a Canadian woman’s 2 years in Bhutan teaching English at schools…..essentially my life. Its scary reading it and seeing the parallels between her experience and mine, and I feel like im almost reliving parts of my Peace Corps experience…those times of pure joy at realizing where you live, the unparalleled scenery, the physical illnesses, the homesickness, breaking up with a loved one from home, the hikes, crazy buses, smells, and sounds. Theres a particular paragraph I read today that went:
“You can love the
landscape because your life does not depend on it. It is merely a scenic
backdrop for the other life you will always be able to return to, a life in
which you will not be a farmer scraping a living out of a difficult terrain.
I love the view,
but I would not want the life.”
How true that resonated. While there have been many times I
have struggled with Nepal, questioned on days whether I hated this country or
loved it, I think that the feelings we have towards our host countries in Peace
Corps stem from the fact that this experience DOES have an end. We sign up for
27 months, make the best of it, and then its over. Yes you can extend for a
year and there are some RPCVs who literally never left Kathmandu after their
service, but they are the minorities. I love the view, but I would not want
the life. I couldn’t live my entire life in a village, which makes me
appreciate more the work that men and women carry out each day just to eat and
drink water. And how privileged I am to
have that American passport that I can flash whenever problems arise, that I
can simply go back to my life in the US, while I know that my homestay family
here will continue to live their lives just the same after I am gone. It makes
me feel like an asshole many times, especially seeing how men here would
literally kill for visas to western countries, but it also makes me realize how
I was extremely lucky to be born in America. I think I might struggle
with that when I am back home, about how much of a privilege it was to be born
into a society where I had the opportunity to CHOOSE to go live my life for 2
years in a developing country. I’ll let you all know how that struggle goes
upon my return. In other news, I really cant even begin to fathom saying
goodbye to my homestay family. Any time it is brought up, Bishnu said she cant
handle it and will have to leave for her parents house so she doesnt have to
watch me leave. As much as my family and I have had our ups and downs, I really
love them, and they truly have become my family. I had this terrible moment on
the bus the other day with Bishnu where I was listening to Tracy Chapman’s ‘Fast
Car’ and got ridiculously sappy and almost started crying because I was
thinking about leaving and how much that would suck. I had to pull it together
though, otherwise she probably would have been mad confused.
Each day I am constantly reminded of how little time I have
left. My group already said goodbye to our friend Nate as he left early for a
job with Doctors without Borders, and some people have even already received
graduate school acceptances. I’m still in the edit and edit and re-edit and
edit some more stage of my personal statements, but am hoping to have them
finalized by the time I leave Nepal, so I can submit them once I am back home.
I actually am flying out to Detroit 3 days after I get back to the states to
visit University of Michigan, but im really trying not to think of that right
now, because I will probably want to chop off a body part when I have to get a
plane that soon after getting home. Not to mention the amount of jetlagged-ness
I will be experiencing. Speaking of, I should be home around December 1st!
or 2nd. Not sure yet, im flying standby….but I’m hoping for a
December 1st departure back to the states. I fly out of Nepal
November 1st to Bangkok and will then spend 2 weeks in the islands
down south with 2 PCV friends. Then its solo travel to Fiji, where I plan on
eating coconut and fish for 2 weeks straight on the beach. Then America
(pending a standby flight out from Sydney, who knows maybe Ill get trapped in
Australia for a week). I don’t even know what to think about this whole
process. I feel like its my first couple months in country, except reverse,
when I have a million things running around my brain about going home. Im so
excited to travel after, but I think a part of me will just think I will return
to Nepal afterwards, just like I did after India. As my friend Nate put it, it
feels like I’m leaving home for a foreign country. Unfortunately, my tiny
village at home (as I like to call it now) has this great and terrible tendency
to never change. Yes, a new restaurant might have popped up or someone got a
flashing neon sign, but Winthrop, Washington usually looks the exact freakin
same every time I go home. Its great to have some consistency in life, but I’m
scared that I will slip back into life at home and just wake up in my tiny twin
bed with my dog on the floor and just think “was that all a dream?” I DON’T WANT THAT TO HAPPEN. I don’t want
to wake up and think I never left. I’m
excited for grad school and seeing people and eating everything in sight, but
it’s a strange mix of excited/terrified, usually in the same minute. I actually
love reading other PCV’s blogs about this, about their last post in country
when the leave and how they are feeling, to how they actually feel when they
are home. I’m hoping to do the same. I read one particular blog where it
basically said get me the hell out of this country I need out of this madness.
Then the next post was about how the PCV couldn’t function and was literally in
depression at being back home. Lets hope I find a middle ground J
Ok so I guess an update on more of my daily life is in
order….I FINALLY closed out my grant for the collection center. Still waiting
on Peace Corps to hear back if everything matched up ok, but I think I filled
out everything correctly. It was quite the experience going through about 20
flimsy paper bills all in Nepali, trying to figure out what was what and for
how much. Many thanks to the waiters in Pokhara restaurants for my million
questions about what each receipt said. The center looks great, and Peace Corps
staff came out to see it last month and were happy with it…so im happy!
Although it will be a while before the center is up and running with regular
vegetable collection times, its already being used for weddings and other community
meetings. Also I forgot to mention that a volunteer will be placed in my site
after I leave! I have mixed thoughts about this…im happy about it in regards to
the collection center, but its also weird…I kind of want to be the only
volunteer in my village! Right before I leave country I should find out the
name of the person coming, so im hoping to talk to them on the phone at least
once before I depart.
We also have our mushroom training still coming up! My last
2 weeks here are going to be madness. Dashain (Nepal’s biggest festival) starts
tomorrow, which is 2 weeks long and where basically all government offices,
buildings, schools etc are closed. Aka no one can do anything productive. The
mushroom training is set for 3 days after Dashain, which means those 3 days are
going to be crazy, especially since I’ll be leaving 10 days later. So much
packing, cleaning, saying goodbyes to do. I really need to make myself a list
of all the people/places I want to see before I leave so I don’t forget
anyone/anything. Oh also Biraalo decided to show up after a 4-month hiatus
yesterday. I walked outside to find him sunning himself on the balcony like he
hadn’t just deserted his mommy for months on end. He also has a lady friend and
I’m sure has fathered probably 50 children in his time away. I thought he had
died so I didn’t buy any more cat food so tough luck little buddy, you’ll be
eating rice until I leave.
I heard choking noises from outside my window earlier today
and stuck my head outside and saw a monkey eating my unburned trash. I was not trying to kill wildlife, it was
just raining and I couldn’t light a match.
I cant remember what else I wanted to write about now. I
feel like this whole post was just me word vomiting from my scatterbrained
head. I finally finished all 5 Game of Thrones books, which have taken me the
better part of the summer. I’ll really try and post one more blog before I
leave. Also my internet is sucking so I can't upload photos now. Will try again later!
Love from Nepal!
